Literary Yard

Search for meaning

Guys, over here,” the man said.

Tricky, tricky,” the goat devil snorted. “But we’ll see who’s got the laugh now. Me and my mates here will show you a thing or two.”

Oh, well, if you plan to invite your friends, perhaps I should do the same?”

Wait a minute. I knows who you are. You’re that Mitch, the new lord high and mighty of the World Below.”

I prefer Interim Manager, thank you,” said Mitch. “And you are tin-can-eater or poops-on-the-lawn or something like that, right?”

Oh, you may have killed Finkbeiner, but the way I heard it was a fluke. You ain’t got that Lady Elizabeth and her faerie magic with you now.” He stroked the edge of his sword. “Time to get down to a little slice and dice.”

No, you’re right. She’s at work, but she wanted me to send her apologies. A few buddies of mine came along. If you want to fight, we might as well get things started.”

Mitch gave a whistle. “Gentlemen, time to go to work.”

Small shapes appeared at the end of the tunnel. Cats, immediately recognizable, trotted in. They were all shapes and sizes, big ones, little ones, fat ones, thin ones. There must have been a dozen of them. The cave filled with the sound of their mewing. They crowded the floor, surrounding Mitch, raising their hackles and hissing if the goat-men got too close.

What’s this?” laughed the goat devil. “You got to be joking.”

One of the cats left the others, lazily making its way toward the runner. It was a healthy looking creature, plump; its fur was well tended. The eyes were strange. It had yellow eyes that seemed to shine in the dark, unlike any cat eyes she had ever seen before.

No, no, I’m very serious.” Mitch cleared his throat and went on, “You are hereby ordered to desist from these activities of blood sacrifice and heinous ritual. Release the prisoner and banish yourselves to a distance of not less than five hundred miles from this place and you will not be harmed.”

The goat devil roared with laughter. “By you and your little kitty cats? How frightening,” he said mockingly.

One of the cats standing near Mitch began to change. It stood on its hind legs, growing taller and thicker in the body. Its front paws turned into hands. Its fur became a leather vest. When the transformation was complete, the creature stood about knee high on Mitch. It looked like an overgrown toad. With the scrape of metal, the toad drew a long bladed knife.

That gave the goat-men pause. They weren’t laughing anymore.

Rat guts and zombie puss,” the toad swore, exasperated. “Mitch, what you got to learn is hows it is to talk to folks. I means, deal wit’ them in a more construction-like manner. All them there fancy words does nuttin’ but confuse the likes of them. They ain’t seen the inside of a toilet, no less a magazine to wipe their bottoms with. You got to talk on their level, see eye to eye if you know what I mean.”

Well said, Thudrott,” Mitch told the toad. “Demonstrate if you please.”

All right you ruddy nanny goats, get the hell out of here or I’ll rip your bleedin’ heads off, got it?”

Now here’s what we call the dip-lo-matic part,” Thudrott confided to Mitch in a whisper that was loud enough for everyone in the cavern to hear. He cleared his throat noisily. “You rotten finks talk it over, right? You got five minutes to get your water buckets and take off. Right?”

Nice touch about the buckets, real compassionate,” Mitch replied, nodding. “Hey, Gullysack, how’s the girl?”

She’s pretty,” said the cat in a high-pitched, whining sort of voice.

Still in the shape of a cat, this Gullysack leaped up on a nearby rock so it could look the runner face to face. Then it too changed. It was another one of the toad creatures. Only this one wore the loudest Hawaiian shirt the runner had ever seen and cargo shorts that were as long as pants on its stubby legs. Gullysack looked her over like men did when they were drunk. It gave her the creeps.

No, I mean, is she hurt?” Mitch called out.

She sure looks good to me,” said Gullysack lasciviously.

Oh, you can’t trust that one wit’ nuttin’,” Thudrott complained. “Not a brain in his head most of the times.”

The toad waddled a step or two closer to the pentagram where the runner sat. Peering down his long nose, he said in appreciation, “Would you look at the cans on that junk pile.”

Yeah, but I don’t think they’re real,” Gullysack said.

Naw, that’s just ‘cause she’s wearin’ one of them sports bras.”

How about, lady. Are they real? Huh? Are they? Huh?”

Mitch interrupted, “Guys, come on. You can argue about that later. Is she hurt or not?”

Naw, they ain’t even stripped her nekked yet,” Thudrott said, disappointed. “So, technically, we shouldn’t even be here. What do you say we come back in five or ten minutes?”

No, I think we know what’s going on here,” said Mitch.

What? I just want it legal and all. That’s what you tell us, got to do things on the up and up or we ain’t no better than the rest of the scum.”

Yeah, wouldn’t want to be unfair,” Gullysack agreed. “We wouldn’t even have to go nowheres. We could stay and watch real close and maybe even help out a little with the washing part and make sure it really is going to be a sacrifice and then put a stop to it when we know for sure. Wouldn’t that be the right thing to do? Huh? Wouldn’t it?”

Seems logical to me,” Thudrott said, nodding his head.

Exasperated, Mitch said, “Guys, come on, get it together, would you? This is serious.”

While Mitch and his toad friends were arguing, the goat-men began reorganizing. At an almost imperceptible pace, they gathered together near the tablet stand. They each managed to find a weapon and were quickly ready to fight. The goat devil began giving orders with a clever tilt of his head. He and the two from before had weapons hidden behind their backs and were beginning to make their way closer to Mitch. Three others began a flanking move. The goat-man with the brightly colored robes who had been reading the tablets was slowly inching up to Gullysack from behind. Still, the would-be rescuers continued quarreling amongst themselves.

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