By: Idoko Jennifer Uloma

What if we become more realistic? What if we put pretence to stop? What if we dispose of our masks and become our true selves? What if we become carefree and unapologetically ourselves? What if we express ourselves holistically without mincing words within the confines of morality and without adversely harming others? What if we stopped rigmaroling and tried to go straight to the point? What if we stopped making the truth fragile, as Chimamanda Adichie would say, and rather hit the nail on the head?

Oftentimes, we put on false selves, restraining ourselves and having reservations when we feel the urge to express ourselves in sensitive matters. We don’t want to harm certain people, but the truth is, we are not helping them either. We care about their feelings more than we care about their betterment and well-being. We don’t want them to feel bad, even when we see that their behaviours will soon ruin them.

What if we make them feel bad now, if that’s what it means, but get them to have better lives in the future?

I have a mature, expressive, and well-respected friend. However, he has two bad addictions. In line with one of my writeups that says that good and bad are inherent in every human, that is, no one is completely good and no one is completely bad or evil; despite these respectable good virtues, he battles with two prominent vices, which are a lack of self-control and discipline for food and sexual immorality. He is into anyone, either for food or sex; he can worship you, older or younger, as long as you can provide both or at least one, and if you can’t offer those two, he ceases to care about you. Everyone’s complaints about him revolves around these two. Majority of those who complain about him are still not confident enough to approach him, maybe because he is way mature and older than the rest of us, even though I still think that correction is not a thing of age or experience. You can correct everyone with courtesy. Could it be that no one wanted to correct my friend because they wanted him to keep feeling good?

Well, after all said and done, I mostered my courage and approached him, though in a manner a bit out of proportion. I told him on WhatsApp (I did not have a physical meeting with him for the sake of my head, as I would not want it to be disconnected from other parts of my body) that I noticed he had turned into a slave of food and sexual lust. I had to say it that way because his vices were already eating deep into his lining, and there was no better way I could have expressed myself than that. The good thing is that I said it in private, just me and him.

Howbeit, it’s best to correct in private and praise in public. To my greatest surprise, he didn’t pick offence. Instead, he appreciated me for that, and somehow, I am convinced that he would do something about them. Sometimes, we just need to drastically and plainly pass out information rather than being subtle. It’s okay to go straight to the point; that way, they will know how important and urgent it is for them to make amends.