By: Jocelyn Mosman

I tell you often
how much I love you

maybe it’s because I don’t know
how much time we have
left

I can’t comprehend
what it feels like to
die

but this grief
is a tsunami
I cannot break
a tidal wave
I cannot swallow

fist beating walls
fist beating head
head beating walls
walls leaving bruises
on fists and head

can’t get out of bed
can’t stop crying
can’t focus
can’t

wishing is futile
nothing makes a difference
except

you—a wilting sunflower
on a lost planet
teeming with loneliness

pain
like petals
too sad to paint

I tell you every night
how much I love you
I know we won’t make it out
of this life alive

so as the decrepit swing set
warbles
and the sky turns grey,

I open my arms to
the heavens
and wait
for the scary calm