Poem: Dennis Rodman’s quest for another shot at international diplomacy

By: Chuck Orloski

dennisrodman

At West Wing desk, Reince Priebus takes a weird (unsolicited) call from Donald Trump’s “old home boy” pal and summons the president to answer his phone.

“Yo, it’s me, The Worm,” said Dennis Rodman, “remember me?”
(a grumpy delay, but with an openness to the real-absurd)
“Oh, so you’re the ‘winner’ who dated Madonna after a Spurs game?”
“Thas’ right, Mr. Prez, and my ICBM was willin’ and able!”
“Do you think Obama could tell your missile from Kim Jong-Un’s?”
“Yo, even Starr’s report got ‘da difference ’bout missiles ‘dat go in-and-out.”
“Look here, Dennis, there’s no apprenticeships in my Oval Office!”
“No, I want to do Tehran, talk basketball and nukes with Rouhani.”
“Whazzat? Ha-ha, forget freaking diplomacy and go back to the Chicago Bulls!”
“Why ‘ya getting’ all mean on me, Donald?”
“You must be the only LGBT Republican who doesn’t know Iran’s kaput.”
“How ’bout you send me over there wearin’ a dress, and Ayatollahs get pissed?”
“Humph, Dennis, maybe they’ll strap you to a Russian missile and launch!”
“Where do you think I’d hit?”
“I dunno’, but Chuck Schumer’s district would be a swell spot though.”
“No matter ta’ me, I’m not a politician and all I want is easin’ of tensions.”
(Silence)
“Sorry, Worm, nice try, but we’re not in the tension-easing business.”
“Oh well, I s’pose dat I’m too tall for the CIA to sneak me into Damascus?”
(Click)

Author’s note: N.B.A. Hall of Fame, Dennis Rodman, appeared on Donald Trump’s wildly popular TV show, The Apprentice. In order to take readers “down Memory Lane,” below is a You Tube video which covers The Worm’s unorthodox meeting with North Korea’s Kim Jong-Un. Of course, diplomatic antics like Rodman’s & the Harlem Globetrotters are unprofessional and bad, but those like Senator John McCain’s incendiary visit with front line Ukrainian troops are statesmanlike and good. W.T.F.?

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