By: Nicolas Kumkom
“Hello officer! How are you this fine evening? Is there a problem?” The person babbled.
“Do you know why I stopped you?”
“Cause I partied too hard at the bar, and cause no one could handle my moves. So they kicked me out. Now I’m riding my Sugar back home. She’s a real smart girl. She knows the way back home. Did I mention how smart she is?”
The officer crossed his arms and began to tap his foot impatiently. “Do you know how intoxicated you are?”
“Officer, you must be new to Montana. You can’t arrest me for being drunk, cause I wasn’t driving any vehicle. I was riding my Sugar back home. You can’t arrest me. That one police chief in the newspaper said this was legal.”
“You aren’t in any trouble. I just want to make sure that you’re okay and that you return home safely.” The officer took out a pen and a notepad from his pocket. “Can I get your name? This is just for records keeping.”
“Hold that thought.” The man dismounted Sugar and staggered to a lamppost. The officer then heard the sound of a belt unbuckling and a zipper unzipping.
“Don’t urinate there!” The officer blurted angrily. “I’ll charge you with disorderly conduct!”
“How about, no!” The man zipped up and buckled up his pants. He quickly staggered back to Sugar and clumsily mounted her. He kicked his heel into her side, and she whinnied and bolted away from the scene.
The irritated officer wasn’t going to let that slide. He hopped into his police car and sped after the fleeing culprit with a fierce determination. He picked up the radio beside him and spoke into it. “This is Officer Hobbs. I’m currently in pursuit of a drunk male riding a horse.”