Literary Yard

Search for meaning


By: Ketaki


AutumnShe sat down and flicked her hair. There was no need to talk she had said. Everything is spontaneous. No words from the either of us, but the silence not awkward. Thoughts that were obvious conveyed through the eyes… yes, we understood what the other meant. Its amazing how certain things need not be explained. The eyes reveal all that is required. For the rest there is imagination. How then can the silence be awkward…

It was autumn but the sky was cloudy. The clouds had borrowed a hue of orange from the trees. Or perhaps they had stolen some of the sunlight to keep for themselves when he disappeared. She was sitting near the window, playing with her hair while seemingly reading a book. It was autumn and we were in love, though we had not really said this to each other. Words were not required; we had felt it, lived it and knew it.

Winter. Seasons change but the silence remained. It was not the same, however, not anymore. The silence had taken on a different character. A different tone altogether, it had a nuance I had never felt before. Something was bugging her and she could not explain what it was. It was something that clawed her insides and she wanted it surgically removed, or so she said. She did not know what it was; what was that thing that was like a knot in her stomach hindering her from something? She definitely did not like it. It was not sufficient that she recognized the hindrance though and it wasn’t likely that she could ignore it away. Things had come to a standstill. I knew what was consuming her. She had to choose. She had to choose between a life full of people sniggering behind our backs when we walk hand in hand down the street and a conventional one; the one envisioned by her family for her. The choice would have been quite an easy one to make. The struggle would be to stick with the decision once made, to live it and not regret it or think back. The silence now pinched me. But what hurt the most was her doubt….

Spring favours lovers, or so they say. The birds, the butterflies, the bees and even the flowers were celebrating it. Everything had a dewy freshness about itself. A pleasant all pervasive smell dominated the atmosphere in the morning and the moonlit nights were full of nostalgia and a fine breeze. She was with him. Their wedding card was strikingly beautiful. I was of course invited. How could they leave out the closest friend she had through college?

Soon it was my turn to wish the already happy couple more happiness. Honestly, I thought they had had enough of it. She would have cocked her head and laughed her typical mocking laugh at my cynical thought, however we did not have the opportunity to mock each others’ follies anymore. She was with him, now.

I hesitantly went up to the couple and handed her the flowers. I was about to open my mouth when I looked in to her eyes. There they were a deep green. Her eyes always reminded me of waterthe green water of a secret lake. I felt vulnerable and exposed, afraid that she would be able to read my thoughts. But the moment faded away and I was jolted back to reality with a rather well aimed jab of an elbow in the back. People were waiting to meet the couple and pile happiness and good wishes on them. I quickly moved away and made myself suitably obscure in the crowd.

On the way back home I felt the ever tightening knot in the pit of my stomach melt away. She may have required surgical intervention for it but I realized that the cold stillness in her eyes had done it for me. I felt free but it was not a release. It was a freedom I had been yearning for. Now that I had achieved it I was not very sure what to do with it. With the turbulent thoughts still in my mind, I got off the metro. It was windy so I decided to walk back to the house. I lit up a cigarette and began walking down the lonesome path. The smoke didn’t get a chance to twirl because of the wind. The silence and the night were like a miracle balm to my bruises. They took me in and wrapped their arms around me. I let it all go in their embrace. After all we have been together for a while now.


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