By: Neelam Singh
Life’s struggles end today. Life, like a farce stands gaping at me. Moments of pain, laughter, fear and shame rekindled in my mind. Moments spent alone, and moments spent talking to walls. Today all was still, no pain, no shame, silent filled my overwhelmed heart. I lay motionlessly on the floor. It was over, finally all put to rest. If only someone had given me a chance to live, a simple chance to be who I was! Nothing much had I expected from life, just a simple life. A tear rolled down my eye. Relief of going home filled my burdened heart.
People had talked, today they still talk. Faintly I could hear their voices in the distance. Heart throbbing comments, will there ever be an end? Why do we stand in a crowd and still stand alone? A silent sob left my heart. Is there anyone whom I can really call my own? The world makes a mockery of those who feel, of those who suffer silently in vain. The voices of the crowd seemed to get closer and closer. I struggled with a bit of pain. It was like the drama of life was over, except for the few momentary sentiments here and there. The veil of darkness hung over me. Today I wasn’t afraid. A life unlived to the brim. I let go of everything. A chance again at life, I might never get. The reel of life rolled out in front of me. The joy of how I had started my life flashed in front of my heavy laden eyes. I wanted to live. I wanted to be who I was supposed to be. Yet crushed down and abandoned, left aside to die. Yet I struggled to live, to be who I was supposed to be. I wanted a chance again at life. Will I ever get one?
The drapery seemed to be falling slowly. I struggled to take my last few breaths. Would he ever understand the depth of my pain? Would anyone ever know my lonely life? The trauma behind my smile? My mind raced back to the days of my childhood. The perils of laughter. The joy of chasing after the wind. The company of the siblings. The innocent affection and love. My big brother’s hand, the finger I held to walk. My sister’s love that was beyond understanding. My sight fell on the old rat bitten photo still hanging on the wall. My family, the people who mattered in my life. Will they know the reason of me exiting the stage? Today I leave everything and go. The drama of life is over. I cannot go back and rewrite the script. I cannot rewind life. It seemed these were my last few breaths.
I struggled to breathe. But this struggle was nothing compared to what I as a woman had gone through. A woman is made from the rib of man to be protected and held to his side. Why does that sound nice only in quotations but reality a different picture? A woman leaves everything just to be with the one whom they marry. Religion says …”till death do us apart”…but reality paints a different picture! The pain of rejection filled my heart. Rejection is a nightmare of the innocent soul. The distant voices seemed to get fainter. I was about to leave. In my heart a small pang, would my not being there make a difference to him? My identity and life I sought to find in him. My existence was profound in him once. All lost, broken to bits. Shattered hopes. Devastated dreams. My wounded bleeding innocent heart. Everything was in vain. Years and months, weeks and days, nothing mattered now.
Just seconds remain. My feet got cold. Life was leaving me alone. For once I wanted to live. To breathe again. If someone had cared, I would have shared my pain, my story. The value of my life, like sand tossed in the wind! Dreams unexplored, great potential put to waste. Last few breaths remain. Then all would end. The body people cherish would turn to ash. My soul set free from the turmoils of the world. Exit was near. The voices got fainter. Leaving the world, my body, the people, and all. I exit the drama of life. My fight was over. The struggle was silent. All quiet, all put to rest.