By: Reese Scott

On Sundays he went to church. He sat in the back and listened to the people around him. Never paying any attention to the sermon. In fact he was going to church for one reason only. To get laid. A good friend had told him that’s how people were getting laid now. Before this his friend had told him going to 12 step programs was a good way to find chicks. He didn’t have to have any issues with addiction or any of that crap. His friend said, “They’re all vulnerable. They’re all looking for something to fill up the empty space since they no longer get drugs. So you can see where I’m going? Right?”

He started going to 12 step meetings. He actually did the 90 meetings in 90 days. Got a sponsor. Got a chip for his first 30 days and so on. He never felt guilty. He never thought twice about the actual reason he was there. The way he saw it he could relate to what people in the meetings were talking about. So that was good enough to make him feel comfortable being in the program. The strange thing was he never drank or did drugs before. But since he joined the program he found himself drinking. At first he would go out and have a couple beers at a near by bar. Then he started going every other day. Then it was every day. He would go to a meeting. Then go right to the bar.

After a few months drinking he found himself doing drugs. He was aware this was somewhat strange. He had never heard of anyone becoming an addict through AA or NA but here he was now suddenly finding himself snorting china white in the morning. Then in the afternoon. Then at night. Until finally it was all the time. He didn’t know much about detoxing so that concern never entered his mind.

Instead he found himself feeling better about himself. Suddenly going to Church on Sundays was becoming a success. He had found himself meeting women on a continual basis now. From young to old. He didn’t care what they looked like, if they were married, if they were the years young then he was or ten years older. He just wanted to get laid.

He told his friend about this. His friend looked at him kind of stunned.

“You know maybe I should give that a try.”