Literary Yard

Search for meaning

Seemingly unnoticed, the goat-man in the colored robes was almost right behind the little toad. The runner felt terrible for the little guy, even though he was a letch. She tried to get his attention, mumbling as best she could through the gag and shooting her eyes back and forth. Gullysack took notice, but just gave her a flirty wink in response.

I don’t really mind if they’re not real,” Gullysack assured her. “You can’t help what you were born with and I admire people who are into self-improvement, especially with something as worthwhile and important as that. I mean, look at you. Huh? Look at you. Those big old bazumbas of yours really make the whole package. Now, if you only had a little up top, even though only a mouthful is really all a guy needs, what a disappointed that would be. So, you know, if they are fake, you made a good decision getting that taken care of before the rest of your body went to pot.”

The runner jerked her head in the general direction of the goat-man in colored robes, trying to turn Gullysack’s attentions away from her chest. It did no good.

Thinking he was making progress, Gullysack leaned toward her, putting a hand to his chin in an entirely unattractive manner and went on, “As long as they did a good job, that is. The real problem is that they should be soft. When they’re hard as rocks it’s no fun for anyone. Things have gotten better in the last few years, but those saline bags got nothin’ on good old fashioned silicone.”

Behind you, look out,” the runner tried to say through the gag. It came out as a jumble.

It was too late. The goat-man in colored robes was within striking distance. He wasted no time, raising an axe over his head, ready to come down with a crushing deathblow.

A figure appeared from nowhere. It was another of the toad creatures. He was wearing a plaid shirt. A belt with many pouches and unfathomable gizmos was cinched around his middle. Nerd glasses hung on his face, taped in the appropriate locations.

The goat-man in colored robes was startled by this new toad’s appearance. He flinched, pulling the axe back so he could defend himself. He didn’t have a chance. The new toad creature pulled what looked to be a meat fork from his belt. A cord ran from the handle and there was a switch, which the toad creature flicked with a stubby finger. Electricity crackled to life between the tines of the fork, spreading in a wide arc.

The toad creature made a savage lunge, driving the fork into the goat-man’s crotch. The goat-man in colored robes screamed. His goat face turned red. His body shook. The axe fell to the ground. The goat-man began to wail; his limbs totally out of control. Next moment, his entire body exploded like a water balloon, splashing what looked like crude oil everywhere. Some of it landed on the runner. She turned away in disgust. Just as quickly, the black slime began to melt away into nothingness.

Thanks, Glitch,” Gullysack said in an offhand way; hardly acknowledging his life had just been saved.

The toad creature called Glitch put the fork away. He nodded and turned invisible again.

Now, what do you think you’re trying to pull?” Mitch demanded of the goat-men.

Weapons in hand, coming almost close enough to Mitch and the cats that they could attack, the goat-men froze. They looked one to another, trying to get some sign from their leader. The goat devil was as dumbfounded as the rest. He stood gaping at Mitch stupidly.

We came here in good faith, opening civilized negotiations, giving you a chance to renounce what you have done and redeem yourselves.”

Mitch was no longer leaning against the wall. He was standing, hands on his hips, in the middle of the tunnel. From his easy manner, the runner had not expected the man capable of a reaction like this.

And to pay us back for a little law and order you try to slice and dice one of my crew?”

Tolds ya’ they’s nuffin’ but scum,” Thudrott said. “Not an inch of respect in all them nanny goats combined, I’d say.”

Thudrott, you’re right again. I should have listened,” Mitch sighed. “So what now?”

Rip they lungs out.”

Let’s do it.”

With that, all the cats changed into toad creatures. The three goat-men that had been moving into a flanking position had their feet pushed out from under them. All three went crashing to the ground, landing hard on their backs. Glitch in his plaid shirt and two more of the toad creatures appeared, laughing. One of the toad creatures quickly gathered up the goat-men’s weapons and waddled back to the group while the others made threatening moves with knives and other weapons.

What a bunch of idiots,” said the new toad creature. He held up a sword. “Hey, would you take a look at this, pretty.”

What’s that, Puttygut?” said Thudrott.

Found a replacement for Old Lockjaw. Take a look. Pearl handle and everything. Nice to snag a bit of treasure on a bad job. With the looks of things around here, I didn’t think they’d have two pennies to rub together.” Puttygut offered up the sword for inspection. “Want it? Felt naked not having some major hardware lying around myself.”

Yep, I hears what you’re sayin’,” Thudrott replied. He looked the handle and blade over appreciatively. “Real Cavalry sword, great condition, what must have come from some collection.”

The goat devil stared dumbstruck. Though defeated, he wasn’t ready to give up.

Right of Combat,” said the goat devil, quietly at first, as if an afterthought or perhaps that he cared not for that alternative either. “I demand the Right of Combat.”

Walking up to the goat devil, Mitch said, “This isn’t about you and me. This is about law and order. I’m not here to get into a pissing contest.”

More confident now, thinking that he had perhaps found the advantage he was looking for, the goat devil said, “The old ways are law. I demand the Right of Combat.”

Well, I think what he may have a point and all,” Thudrott said, scratching his noggin.

If the nanny goat claims the Right of Combat, I say give it to him and be done,” Puttygut agreed.

Yeah, come on, afraid now you’re girlfriend ain’t here?” the goat devil sneered. “Come on little boy, I’ll teach you a lesson.”

Sticks and stones,” Mitch said to the goat devil. To the toads, he said, “I’m trying to be merciful. Turning him into a pool of thirty-weight isn’t very merciful.”

Price of leadership,” Thudrott said with a shrug. “Besides, it’s his choice.”

Oh, are you afraid?” the goat devil taunted. He and his cronies were laughing. “Miss your little girlie friend?”

I do feel like shutting him up,” Mitch confided.

Been more than fair and ain’t none what can say otherwise,” Thudrott said, egging him on. “Ain’t that so?”

The toad creatures all heartily agreed. They began chanting expletives of every color and sort.

Right of Combat it is,” Mitch decided, looking the goat devil in the eye.

No tricks,” the goat devil said.

Yeah, okay.”

At that moment, Mitch disappeared. He reappeared a moment later, leaning casually against the wall where he had always been. It had all been an illusion. The toad creatures laughed and applauded in appreciation.

You got him good with that one,” Puttygut said, patting Mitch on the leg. “Couldn’t have done it better myself.”

Clear the way, gentlemen,” Mitch said, walking toward the goat devil.

With a flick of his wrist, a sword was in his hand. It was short and broad. The blade was so black that he seemed to be holding a sliver of midnight. Mitch walked within striking distance and raised the blade up and down to indicate he was ready.

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