By: Chuck Orloski
Gloomy and anguished, British Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks looked into mirror and kept repeating to himself, “Fools, fools are scientists who don’t profess love for Israel… and fool, fool is the Pope for his welcoming Stephen Hawking to the Vatican’s science conference!” Sacks tossed a soiled breakfast bib to the floor and dialed UK’s “999,” the world’s oldest emergency call service. Rrriinngg! A female dispatcher promptly answered, “a jolly ‘ello and how may I help you?”
Not one for mincing words, the Rabbi introduced himself and asserted, “I need to speak with an influential member of the Conservative Friends of Israel, so make haste lassie, and get 10 Downing Street and Theresa May on the line immediately!” The dispatcher complied, “rrriinng, rring!” The P.M. touched a button that flashed “red” for line # 1, and she saw the name “Lord Jonathan Sachs” appear on the telephone digital display.
“Prime Minister May here…, may I ask what is the matter, Rabbi? Are you ill?”
“Yes, my dearest Tessie! I am ‘hurt’ in the soul, as was once David upon his having to deal with Sheba’s rebellion!”
“My, my dear chap, I share your sorrow, but help me here… wasn’t Lady Sheba a queen?”
“Once again, Tessie, you are proven above commoner understanding… indeed Sheba was a queen!”
(Blush) “Well, my Lord Rabbi, everyone in Brexit knows that I matriculated at St. Hughes College
and not at some ‘Benny Hill’ Frankfurt School academy!” You know that, eh Rabbi”
“Tut, tut. You have what we call hutzpah and a brain! Now may we proceed to our need for taking down a British-Amalekite scientist?”
“Oh my Lord! You speak of non-Knight, Stephen Hawking, I presume?”
“Indeed, Tessie, he refuses to profess love for Israel and I propose to do something that will change his mind!”
(Gasp) “No, no… you can not desire for me to sic Mi6 upon a chap who is world famous for work on Black Holes?”
“Not exactly, Tess! There’s no need yet to involve Mi6 services. However, I am looking to The Conservative Friends of Israel with the thought that a sleuth secret agent can be contracted to plant kiddie porn on Hawking’s P.C. Afterward, science can go to Trofim Denisovich Lysenko’s biology hell, and England can jail Stevie Wonder-boy-king at Wandsworth until his politics become purified.” *
(Gasp) “Hm…, you well know that Wandsworth Prison would be forced to install expensive handicap accessible jail cells? And the (expletive) plongeur Labour Party leaders will surely call for my head!”
‘”Heh, heh, Tessie. Right wing Israelis will never treat you like the self hating French did Queen Marie Antoinette.”
(Gulp) “Speaking with the utmost of respect for Israel, I do not feel ready to go to such guillotine length at this particular moment of my political career, my dear Rabbi Sacks.”
“We will have your pretty ‘Microsoft’ back side covered, Tessie. Think some?
* The late-Mr. T.D. Lysenko was a Agricultural biologist; virtual dictator of Soviet science after 1940 under Josef Stalin, and of biology under Nikita Khrushchev’s daring “DE-Stalinization” until the year after President JFK’s murder, 1964. I have no clue as to who replaced Mr. Lysenko, but it was not Carl Sagan.
Author’s Note: In my own present stage of a “career” as a school bus driver, I have read Dan Brown’s rather far out and “Best Selling” fiction novel titled, “Angels and Demons.” In Brown’s book, one read how the Illuminati deity conspires to take down high ranked Catholic Cardinals who domicile in ancient Vatican City grounds. Currently, it’s rather stupefying to have learned how a distinguished UK rabbi wants to take down one of world’s most respected scientists! Maybe someone should take me down for having written this snippet-satire? Meanwhile, linked below is a video which displays Stephen Hawking and the Pope together at a Vatican-sponsored science conference.