Chris Christie’s waist size (58”) lament about not being picked

By: Chuck Orloski

chris_christie

At West Wing desk, a rather quiet day with only anxiety about another S.N.L. skit on the White House spokesman and President Obama’s alleged wiretap of candidate Trump’s campaign conversations. With calves rested upon desktop, hands behind back, Reince Priebus got jarred from temporary tranquility by a call from ex-Governor Chris Christie and summoned Kellyanne Conway to answer. “Rrriing!”

“You have reached me… speak!”

“Hey Kellyanne, guess what?”

“Oh ‘hiya, Chris! I trust your pre-existing tummy condition is under control. What’s up?”

“The president treated me to a tuna and tossed salad dinner at the White House the other day!”

“Uh well… that was so sweet of him! Were you allowed a second helping?”

“No, no… but he let me watch a rerun of his address to Congress. Two times in fact!”

“Oh! That is one way you can tell that Donald still likes you, despite your being so… corpulent!”

“Humph. So that’s your size 2 ‘official’ uptown response now, eh Kellyanne?”

“C’mon, Chris. Knock it off! Of all people, you must know how political friends and enemies regularly wiretap all executive-level conversations. I gotta’ be careful.”

(Silence)

“I’d like to punch one-time ally, Bill Stepien, in the (expletive) face for taking my job as White House political director. (expletive) I scratched Donald’s back at a time he needed oligarch ‘scratch’ and he didn’t scratch mine!”

“Oh hell, Chris – that’s politics. So what did you think about the president’s speech?”

(A reflective pause)

“Well, it looks like he brought his meds with him, Kellyanne.”

“Yeah, that’s how Donald manages to become presidential. By the way, how did you like the tuna fish?”

“It was tremendously fresh and I gave it 306 Jersey shore electoral votes.”

“Oh yeah, Chris? And for the record, how did you like my yoga-pose while seated inside the room among all the president’s stunt men?”

“Hot Dog Johnny’s! Your shapely legs could stop multiple traffic lanes leading to the George Washington Bridge.”

(Blush) “I have brains and I work out. Why my ‘looks’ can even disarm Democrat senators and Putin!”

“(Sigh) I credit Donald for his refusal to hire smart ‘dogs’ like Bill Clinton did when he hired A.G. Reno.”

“So Janet is a ‘dog,’ eh? (Hmph) Lucky for you that I am not Megyn Kelly! I’d flatten your fat ass.”

“Ha-ha, get in the Mar-a-Lago line!”

(Click)

Author’s Note: I am wearied beyond the point of arguing how stage-managed, crazy, and corrupted are politics in the U.S.A. With that, I suppose some readers may recall ex-Governor Chris Christie’s strange “Bridgegate” scandal? Although American citizens are regularly denied truth by the Corporate Media, I pause and remember how Christie got caught up in the insane political closure of traffic lanes leading to the George Washington Bridge in the Fort Lee, N.J. Area.

For the sake of realistic reader perspective, and writing as an emergency (hazardous materials) response manager, 2010, I was ordered to respond to a minor diesel fuel spill which happened
¼ mile from the N.J. entrance (southbound) to the George Washington Bridge. As remnants of free (spilled) diesel fuel had already migrated into a storm drain which discharged into the Hudson River, the cleanup crew and I got out of our E.R. vehicles and started to distribute “Oil Dry,” (essentially cat-litter) onto fuel stained pavement road surfaces. To this day, I shudder with the memory of looking north and seeing a tsunami-like wave of N.Y.C. bound cars and trucks! Even on-scene New Jersey police and road protection service-personnel could not wait until we were done and gone from the scary scene, and off to eat at Chris Christie’s favorite Hot Dog Johnny’s, Route 46, New Jersey.

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