Literary Yard

Search for meaning

By: Sandra L Todd

I really wanted this job! I kept calling back and checking on my resume. They told me they needed to check out my references. I waited a couple of days and called back. I emailed and then waited. They told me there were more applicants and they had to wait until everyone had a chance to be verified.

I stood before my proverbial door crying out that I needed this job. I really wanted this job. Not for the money, but for the opportunity. I want this job for a step up, the prize, and the glory. I was playing the high striker game at the carnival; the strongman test to win. I had the mallet in my hand and I was ready to strike it down on the knob. I wanted to ring that bell at the top!

This was it, I’m not getting any younger!

“Do or Die, said I!”

I kept on knocking on that door. The same door that wouldn’t open.

Then I turned around checked my computer, examined my other chances. What I saw astounded me. The whole world was on my side of that locked door. This same door that was sealed from me. In that moment there was a fleeting thought that I should turn back in my path and seek new direction. There was a instance that said, “find another way.”

There was a glimpse into the future of a more positive direction. I saw light, I saw


an infinite horizon, the sun shining on other possibilities and a chance to go forward. I view hundreds of open doors but not with the expectant promise of this door!

What did I do?

Suddenly, I turned back. I ignored my impression and knocked wildly. I gave it a few taps in the lower left corner with my toe for good measure. I wanted to get through this door!

When there are other possibilities, other exposed concepts, why do I persist on this door that is not opened?

The door was not even decorative. There were no figurative words written on it like, Prestigious Position Assurance, CPO Ensured, Blue Ribbon Material. There wasn’t even a door handle on my side. It had to be opened to me by the Employer!

One day a coworker was speaking to some others in the same room. I overheard her say, “If the door doesn’t open, maybe it’s not your door.”

I ceased my activities. I stared at my hands. The hands that had remained on that closed door.

Consider this, “It may not be your door.”

I was suddenly filled with reverence.

Why would I persisted when the obvious was displayed in front of me? Why would I strike my head for so long on this particular door for something that wasn’t even mine?

Was I so bullheaded that I couldn’t turn and walk away when the business had


obviously not opened this door? They didn’t even call back.

Why don’t I listen?

When the answer is no, it is time to move forward. I had to come down out of my clouds and realize that there were other doors that had just as much opportunity and probably healthier results. There were chances of improving myself and using my conditioned skills, a chance to prove myself for a possible future. This was an ‘Ah Ha’ moment. There was a light bulb over my head. My eyes were cleared.

It was probably about time too.

I walked away from that door.

Yes, my head was hanging so low that my chin rested on my chest. Disgrace and humility stung my eyes, but I walked.

“If the door doesn’t open, it isn’t your door.”

I turned to my future.


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