OUR FAVORITE HALLOWEEN MOVIE
By: Shawn Berman
OUR FAVORITE HALLOWEEN MOVIE IS THE ONE WHERE CASPER AND WENDY BECOME BEST FRIENDS BECAUSE NOBODY DIES AND THEY ALL LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER
sitting in our underwear carving pumpkins on the floor
you turn the volume down on your favorite spooky season playlist
and tell me that you feel slightly concerned about my arts and craft skills especially when it comes to me using a knife
and are unsure if my technical knowledge from the two-minute tutorial that we just watched on your phone with only the subtitles on will transfer over
and to be honest you’re probably right but i am too stubborn to admit that
so i’m all like
no i got this it’s easy all i have to do is stab the pumpkin at a downward angle and be cautious of my fingers and then check my peripherals and make sure the pets aren’t around in case there’s any kickback
and you give me a grunt that says
ya okay big guy the cvs pharmacy is closed today so you better slow down before you hurt yourself
but i don’t care because I am too focused on trying to make the world’s most beautifulest jack-o’-lantern,
a jack-o’-lantern that pays homage
to the time that we stayed up all night playing mario kart on the wii and i intentionally gave you the bad controller because i was tired of losing but even that didn’t stop you because it’s just like that dude newton says
an object in motion will remain in motion unless that object has an unforeseen ibs-d attack then all bets are off.
when i am done with my masterpiece i hold the pumpkin up by the stem and smile,
and even though it doesn’t resemble that magical moment that we spent playing mario kart
you still tell me that it is nice
that it is the best thing i’ve ever made
and you help me put it on the porch for the whole neighborhood to see.
the next morning when we go outside to heat up the car before going to work,
we witness squirrels munching away at the scraps of the remaining pumpkin carcass,
a truly horrific site to view
as the ravaging rodents clearly show no signs of respect for modern art at all.
Shawn Berman likes long walks down the bread aisle, cat memes, and is not afraid to admit that the Disney Star Wars films rock. Some of his work has appeared in Maudlin House, Oddball Magazine, and Reality Beach. You can follow him on Twitter @Sbb_writer.