By: Tamara Raidt

Austrian doctor

my consultations usually
last 7 minutes

            the doctor said

I stopped.
in the middle of a sentence.

and we’re already at 11

            she raised her eyes
                        from the computer screen

have you seen a therapist

            plenty –

what did they say

I said the word
it hurt
but I said the word

what do you want me to do

I don’t know, there’s something
inside my head
I can’t bear it
I don’t sleep
I don’t eat
I can’t –
I don’t want to
live like this

            she looked up

I can’t help you ma’am

She walked me to the door
and I added her name
to my list.

###

the things that brought you here

Someday you’ll remember the things that hurt you
only as the things that brought you here

and the mountains will be pebbles   and the flood will be rivers
that shaped the landscape you’re looking upon.

###

First love

You’ll never forget me:
you never forget your first love
he told me on the morning he left
thinking he was speaking of himself.

But my very first love are words
haunting, beguiling, exhilarating

and you are right honey,
how could I forget them?

they are the second ones
after my mother’s womb
through which I came into existence
and they bring me every morning
closer to self-acceptance.