Moses Is So Over It
By: Todd Mercer
Listen up, ass-hats. I mean, friends. We’ve been wandering in circles like morons for forty years on what should’ve been a two-week hike, maximum. Life is short and this has been a giant waste of our prime years. It’s irrational, and I’m not doing it anymore.
Do you people even remember our goal? Does the Promised Land ring a bell? Don’t you dream of actually living somewhere instead of always being on the way there? I can’t stand the faulty thinking.
Right. So I’m climbing this big-ass mountain, all the way up, because it’s here. I’m going to hang loose in the heights up there until I get a new idea. If we’re going to break our dysfunctional pattern, we’ll have to redirect the conversation. Anyway. Might do a spot of blackberry picking up there. Whatever.
Try not to get too wild and rambunctious while I’m off the clock. Should you need anything while I’m away, my brother Aaron here has it completely under control. I rely on this guy through and through. Any issues, see him.
Aaron? Could you raise your hand in case some don’t know who you are?
Great. Thanks, brother.
Off now for some quality R & R. Probably shoot the breeze with God, see if I can catch sight of the Sea from up there, or the Promised Land proper or really any familiar landmark whatsoever that we know where it is.
When I descend, let’s have the tents packed and wrap this m.f.’er up, journey-wise. Please nod your heads, don’t just stare at me. Homeschooling this long is really showing its effect. Tents packed. The tents. Pack them. Right? Thanks for the nod, Joshua.
Not sure how long I’ll need to sort it out, but hey, don’t hold lunch for me. It’s a mountain.
Okay everyone. Back to whatever aimless bullshit you were engaged in.
God bless. Later on.
Todd Mercer’s short collection, Ingenue, was a winner of the Celery City contest. His digital chapbook, Life-wish Maintenance is available free at Right Hand Pointing. Mercer has been nominated for Pushcarts and Best of the Net awards in Fiction and Poetry. Recent work appears in Beatnik Cowboy, Fictive Dream, and The Lake.