Poem: Because i loved her

By: Linda M Crate

lovedher

i think i only loved
you because i
loved her,
and she was the only woman
i ever loved;
sometimes that terrifies me
because i was taught
of heaven and hell
told that i wasn’t allowed to be
“gay”
wasn’t something that i aspired or tried
to happen
i just fell headfirst head over heels
for a girl who never noticed me even in the
quiet whispers of our friendship—
dad thought she was a hippie
when we first met her,
but i thought she was a faerie;
ethereal and beautiful
glimmering just outside the realm of possibility
encouraging and conjuring up dreams in me that i thought
once dead
she made me dance again when i thought
all my hopes had died—
once we ran hand-in-hand to a play,
and once i starred in
a play for her
sake,
we once drank a whole bottle of peach champagne,
and i don’t even like peaches that much;
but they were sweet as i pictured
her lips might be—
you were both canadian, you both loved anime, and you
both gave flight to my whimsy and imagination;
and you encouraged my writing
i suppose i owe you a lot more than i’ll ever give you—
but loving you both was a price that was too expensive because
i was a bird that neither of you appreciated the
cost of
with a worth you both took for
granted.

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