Literary Yard

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‘Dead’ and other poems by Marc Carver

By: Marc Carver



I wake up
to the disappointment
that I am still alive
anything could have happened to me
during my drunken sleep
aliens could have abducted me
bandits could have slit my throat in the wee hours
but no
here I am still
making a mockery of being alive
making life longer
at young women
hoping upon hope I could eat my breakfast off it
oogling butts.
So you see just that second before I wake
I truly, truly believe I could be dead


I looked up at the ceiling a few years ago
when my toilet worked.
I looked up while doing my business
I saw a spider on the ceiling
so I finished then got a pen
and wrote spider
on the ceiling
and put an arrow towards him.

Now when I looked up again I saw another spider
or it could have been the same one.
either way
it is good to see
that someone knows their place



I finished on the exercise bike
and went over to the beautiful young lady that worked in the gym.
Can I have a bit, I said
she looked at me her eyes bulging out of her head.
Can I have a bit I said and looked down at the spray she was holding.
She sprayed my tissue and went back to work.
only later
it dawned on me
that she might of thought I was asking for something else


I felt shame
for the first time in a long time
like that dog that gets caught licking himself
and he looks at you with those big eyes
and says I cant help it but now I am shamed.

I am not sure I ever felt shame the way I do now
it could have been when I had to let the BT man in to do the line
or it could have been over things
I am not even sure where it came from
but I know
I will never feel the same again.


I am a child
a big and old and hairy child
I am more of a child now
than when I was a child
I knew that evil existed in the world
but chose to ignore it
now I know it has to exist
so I accept it
that is what makes me a child once again
the knowledge that
evil is real.


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