By: Alan Berger
I’m so mad at you, I could spit, she said. Go right ahead and spit, he said, just don’t spit on me, spit on yourself, why don’t you? That’s it, she said, fuck you. And a fucking top of the morning to you too, he said.
Mary Klass slammed the door as hard as she could, and hoped it would fly off the hinges and hit him the head, then, while he was on the floor, wind up, up his ass, without the benefit of lubrication.
Mary Klass had a temper that made an eight – point earthquake look like a pussy.
And if the earthquake didn’t like it, it, could go fuck itself too.
When Mary got back to her apartment building, and after crying in her car in her underground parking space, she went to the manger’s office.
I want to change my, “In case of emergency”, she said to him. Again? He asked. Yeah, you got a problem with that? She said. No, he said. Who is it going to be his time? He inquired. Don’t get smart with me. I’ll let you know, she said as she stormed out of his office, after of course, slamming his God damn fucking door.
When she got into her apartment after slamming her door, which her neighbors were always complaining about, and they could go fuck themselves too, she chuckled, as she hit the phone.
She called her golf instructor, her tennis instructor, the lifeguard at the pool where was leaning to swim, her piano instructor, and the managers’, at all the restaurants she frequented, and told them all the same thing she told her apartment manager.
She thought to herself, with all these managers, and instructors, and such, too bad I can’t instruct, and manage me!
Then she fed the cat, and took the dog out for a walk, came back home and took a few pills, and went to bed. Her last thought, before dropping off, was that what the Hell am I doing? As she drifted off she thought of a song she sang to herself many a time that she called, “Now I’m Back In His Harms again”. Anyway, she thought she would outlive them all.
But she wouldn’t.
She outdid herself this time.
And that was all she sang.