By: De’Ashia Wallace

24 other boys probably dressed like this
blue Levi’s, a white polo, a brown sweater, and black Rockport boots
this is what he likes to wear
he told me it makes him look like a big boy
he smiles in all his pictures, then yells, “I’m a big man”

he’s now 10, his body standing side by side with a beanstalk
i didn’t even apply sunlight
because i know someday it will rain
showing all his roots

how do you tell your baby brother not to grow
i know how much you like sports
but you have to go back to SpongeBob
and The Backyardigans
because you only make
believe

play cops and robbers
but in real life
they will try to make him
the robber the cops were trying to get

he didn’t like the sound of that
it was like telling a 6-year-old
Santa Claus doesn’t exist

i just told my brother where we come from
everybody’s naughty
and his future might never be nice
because his ancestors got here on a ship

“were we pirates”

absolutely
and the treasure was our freedom
we are still searching

“what’s the problem
with me growing if we’re
pirates”

we were not pirates
but we are still searching for freedom
and if you grow up you will never find it

i just need you to keep wearing as many
cartoons as you can
i need them to see you
as a kid
a little kid
who laughs and
sometimes holds his mom’s
hands when she is
having a
rough day

because if they see you as a boy turning
into a man
honey they will change your life

no matter what outfit you wear
there
will always be
some things they say
you wear better

they will dress you in
assumptions
and bullets

they assume
and after your death
presume they were right

no matter what
it will never take you to a better room
that outfit will only make you casket
sharp

you were written off in the womb
no, it’s nothing about your heart
they remind us every day about our skin being dark

24 other boys
wanted to grow up like you

i wonder if they stayed young
could their families hold them too

###

De’Ashia Wallace is a poet, spoken-word performer, and author of The Hug I Wish I Gave You. Her work explores Black family life, grief, survival, education, violence, and the transformation of lived experience into art. Her poem “Dot 9:21” is forthcoming as an online SHINE Spotlight and in Issue 11 of SHINE Quarterly.