By: Chuck Orloski
As a special favor for “America’s greatest ally,” the street smart President Donald Trump gave Benjamin Netanyahu his TracFone cell phone number – to be used for confidential conversations, only. With > 500 minutes remaining on the president’s TracFone, secretly prepaid by Roche Holding AG of Switzerland, Prime Minister Netanyahu dialed the number from his Beit Aghion residence. “Rrriiinnng….”
“Speak… you have reached Him!”
“Good morning Mr. President! Speaking confidentially, and as you know, I really blew it by taking cigars and champagne from Milchan so I could persuade Secretary Wind Surf to give Arnon a 10-year Visa. (Sigh) Now even Jews are on my case!”
“Too bad the U.S.A. and Israeli have not yet officially merged because, were that the case, you’d have no worries, Bibi.”
“(Sigh) Don’t remind me, please don’t remind me, Donald? (sigh) I’d love to give about a hundred liberal sucking Jews a taste of what justice was administered to Mordechai Vanunu.”
“Oh yea…, that pain-in-the-ass who spilled his guts about Dimona. (Expletive) him, Bibi! Nobody in the USA bought his line of True News. Ha-ha.” .
“Well, anyhow, do you remember how President Clinton made The Great Emancipator ‘work for him’ and sold rights to sleep in Abe’s White House bedroom?”
“O, great people, great people, the Clintons! ‘Ya know, Bill partied at ‘Orgy Island’ with another good man, Jeffrey Epstein!”
“Yes, yes, Donald, I am aware. In addition, I know some goodie-goodie sharks claim that you went to ‘Orgy Island’ and they smell blood!”
“That’s okay, Bibi. I like shark meat as long as mercury hasn’t built up in their bodies. Eh?”
Let’s move on to Slick Willie and your bedroom deal, okay? Talk.”
“My scandal legal bills are a nightmare, and instead of using my personal stash for payment, I am considering sending out a secret mass mailing to U.S.A. Chief Executive Officers which will…, inspire them to visit Israel and sleep one-night in David Ben-Gurion’s bedroom… for a big fee!”
“Hm, ‘ya know what?
“What’s that, Mr. President?”
“Kissinger recently told me that Richard and Pat Nixon visited Ben-Gurion at their home in the Tel Aviv outskirts. It’s a tremendous idea, Bibi. And be certain to mail a ‘certified’ invitation to that little commie-prick from Nordstrom who dropped Ivanka’s clothing line! He better cough up big time.”
“Okay, okay! And since You Tube has taken down Pew Die Pie’s cash cow operation, do you think it’s fair to invite Felix Kjellberg for a Tel Aviv sleepover?
“Uh, is Felix Jewish? You better first make sure he’s not on the payroll of our intelligence services, or you will be even more (expletive) than now!”
“Hell no, Donald! Damn… how did you get to know so much without being president for more than a month?”
“One word – Adelson.”
Author’s note: During Springtime, 1983, while still employed as a Teamster dockworker at Roadway Express, Inc., Tannersville PA, I happened to read Richard M. Nixon’s 1982 book, “Leaders.” I never managed to shed the habit of “rooting for the under dog,” and at the time, there were few American leaders who were more inside the “dog house” than Mr. Nixon.
This afternoon while staged behind the wheel of a Scranton School District bus, I began to consider how, in “Leaders,” President Nixon admired the achievements of David Ben-Gurion. What’s more, I learned that the late-Richard Nixon was the first president to ever visit Israel, along with his wife Pat and daughters Tricia and Julie. I was very impressed to learn that Ben-Gurion spoke nine (9) languages, and according to Nixon’s recollection, D.B.G. called himself a “crazy Negevist” and
“he spoke bitterly about the terrorists and other expansionists who wanted forcefully to enlarge Israel’s territory.” (I for one wonder why that is no more an effort rather than illegally settling on Palestinian land)